I recently went to a Braves game. It was my first live professional sporting event since the pandemic started. While I love any live sport, baseball is a hard sport for me to focus on because it moves at a slower pace and there is so much going on in the arena. For someone who is an observer and prone to over-stimulation, professional baseball is the perfect recipe for distraction.
While I was at the game, I couldn’t actually see a lot of the game due to my sight still being off from an eye surgery. So, instead of squinting to try to find a flying white ball for hours, I paid attention to the people. Whenever the Jumbotron showed people that the cameras were zooming in on, my attention was there. I think most people’s attention was there too. In some ways, I think we are all sub-consciously hoping we will make it on the big screen; almost everyone has the same reaction when they make it onto the screen: excitement and joy and maybe a bit of gleeful embarrassment.
As more and more people made the big screen and danced and smiled for their few shining seconds, I too smiled. And then, I leaned over to my friend Estelle and said, “this is all quite a picture of how we all want to be seen and feel important.” While many of us may be prone to hide and are afraid of people fully seeing us for who we know we are at our core, there is still this deep desire to be seen. Being chosen out of hundreds of thousands of people in a crowd to make it on the screen gives us a moment of significance. We are seen by many, yet we do not have to face our fear of really being seen and known. At the end of the day that Jumbotron moment passes; it doesn’t sustain or even touch the surface of our need. Yet, what does begin to meet that need can be the very person sitting next to us saying something as simple as, “hey, I’m glad to be here with you.”
…
There are few things more scary and more beautiful than feeling seen and valued. It requires a sense of safety, vulnerability, and trust. That’s hard. Each and everyone of us have a story of trust being broken, safety not being safe, and vulnerability hurting us when someone we let in leaves. Oftentimes it feels safer to not trust, to avoid vulnerability, and to only be safe within yourself. However, that place is lonely too. It is also incubated with fear. We’ve all been there though. We each have some bricks surrounding our precious and fragile souls and beings. Some of us have begun the healing work of trusting and opening up more with safe people, laying down our bricks one-by-one. Others are still adding bricks. That’s okay. We do what we can, with whatever degree of safety and security we have, in order to try to protect ourselves from more harm. Be gentle with yourself and with your bricks. But also, when you feel safe enough, open yourself up to healing and to letting some bricks come down. Take your time, there is no rush, there is no formula, and there is no pressure— only freedom and an invitation to heal in order to allow yourself to be more fully seen by loved ones around you.
Often we fear that once people see the messiness of us, they’ll leave. Honestly, some might. However, more often than not, they’ll love you more. Your messiness will invite opportunities for others to care for you. We love to care for our loved ones— it connects us more to them and it allows us to express our love in a deeper way. Our messiness also allows others to be their messy selves.
There, in the mess, we allow ourselves to share in our humanity. Out beautifully complex and simple humanity.
The more people know us, the more scary it can feel. However, the more people know us, the more safe and valued we can feel too.
That place is home.
Words that have been sticking with me:
This past week was a rocky one for me. By the time the weekend came, I felt spent. I took Saturday to slow down and to bring some nourishment back in. In order to do so, I started my morning off by sitting out in my backyard, with steam rising from my coffee, reading some Mary Oliver. Her collection of poems, Devotions, is what I turn to whenever I need to be reminded of beauty. As I was reading, I stumbled upon two poems I hadn’t already book-marked that instantly felt like breath. One of those poems is this one below:
Mysteries, Yes
Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous
to be understood.’
How grass can be nourishing in the
mouths of the lambs.
How rivers and stones are forever
in allegiance with gravity
while we ourselves dream of rising.
How two hands touch and the bonds will
never be broken.
How people come, from delight or the
scars of damage,
to the comfort of a poem.
Let me keep my distance, always, from those
who think they have the answers.
Let me keep company always with those who say
“Look!” and laugh in astonishment,
and bow their heads.
May this week not be about finding answers, but finding astonishment.
List of Attention:
The way a baby’s laugh can pause you in your tracks and open up a part of you
The way a dog greeting you at the door feels like the most significant person in the world
The way a loved one’s hug after a hard day can hold you together and also allow you to fall a part
The way seeing a friend for the first time after a year a part brings an overwhelming amount of joy
The way seeing a flower become a vegetable sprout reminds of that there is beauty in each stage of growth
The way two old people holding hands at the farmer’s market gives you hope in the simply beautiful things
Prompts/Questions:
At the end of every newsletter, I want to leave you all with some questions/prompts to think on. If you ever want a friend to hear your thoughts, feel free to share them back with me through email! I always love to read and to listen.
Question(s):
When is a time where you felt really seen and valued? How did that make you feel? What was that moment for you? Write about it. Tell the story. Or write a poem filled with the different senses of that moment.
Creative Prompts/Celebration Tasks:
Look up the poem Evidence by Mary Oliver. Read through the poem and take one section of it and write your own poem inspired by it connected to evidence of something feeling valuable.
Letter(s):
Write a letter to the part of you that needs to feel seen and valued.
Then, write a letter to someone letting them know that you see them, care for them, and love knowing them. Send that letter.
Closing Words:
My hope for you this week is that you can allow yourself to take one brick down. Take that brick and hand it to a trusted loved one. Let them see you. Let yourself see you too.
Know that no matter what, you, in all your mess, are valued. You do not need a Jumbotron to affirm that value. You do not need a ring on your finger. You do not need a room full of people to clap. You, my friend, have nothing to prove nor do you have to “arrive” at a point of value. You existing alone is significant. We need you here.
…
As you carry on into this week, may your days ahead be filled with words that encourage you, laughter that heals you, and moments of beauty that pull your attention in and bring you to slow down.
May you know that you, yourself, are worth paying attention to.
I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to each of you for being a reader. This week this community grew to 100 readers and that feels like a small milestone and it is humbling to me. Thank you for reading my words each month. It is a joy and an honor to connect with you through words!
About Tuesday’s Attention:
This Newsletter was born out of a desire to stay attentive to the world around me, to encourage others to create and to pay attention, and to connect more closely with a readership. If you enjoy these newsletters, you can also support my writing through becoming a part of my Patreon community to get access to more of my writing content. The writing that I do is 100% supported by readers and so any and all support— whether that is you reading this newsletter, sharing it with others, and/or being a part of my patreon means the absolute world to me. Thank you for being here. It is a joy to share this space with you all.
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